VESSEL I-III

II

I have come to live something that I was already supposed to know; that creation can be a lot more than just procreation.

I'm a child/less/free. You can say this in any which way and it will still trigger something in people. I'm also a woman in my late 30’s who has the most loved and adoring husband and still, I have never quite felt it. That famous pull or twitch in my ovaries. I have tried to call in this feeling on occasion and thought long and hard about it at times. I have, of course also discussed the topic together with my spouse and gratefully we are on the same wavelength. We build and create beautiful things both together and separately, but a child will most likely not be in the cards for us

How is it then that a person who feels this way is also ever so slightly, deeply fascinated with creation and painting vulvas one might ask? I have been asking myself, if this passage is not open for a child to come through then what am I creating?

The Vulva has come to be a recurring motif of mine, ever since a day in early 2014 when I first sketched out the drafts for what was to become a series of paintings and stand alone work. I felt something click into place then. Looking back it felt a lot like the classic imagery of the Tarot card “The Magician”, standing by a work bench holding a rod that catches a surge of lightening, leading it down into the material world. I felt both excitement and anxiousness as to what people might think about this choice of motif. But, I couldn't not do it. I had a clear feeling that I had tapped into something loving and powerful. 

I see The Vulva as our most immediate guardian, the first in line before a series of doors leading us to a most primordial place of creation. It's also from where our physical beings enter into this world of matter, through the body of another who chose to become our vessel. Water press out of our lungs as we squeeze through that final gate and breathe in the air of our new mothers for the first time. I see so much beauty and meaning from this act of creation. Even though it doesn't always happen this exact way. I for example, am a caesarian baby. I even found myself half seriously approaching this question thinking; what if envy could've been the creator of this fascination? Was I denied this final exit with my entrance into this world by coming out through the roof? Does it matter? No, turns out it really doesn't.

I wasn't crowned by that final push like many others but I was most gracefully taken out of the womb, where I had grown into my well nourished although, slightly lopsided body. It's amazing that even through disruption we somehow maintain this illusion of separation. We are able to create other versions of self from the substances of literal stardust. Our bodies are marvellous, but they can only hold us for so long. I imagine that right before we incarnate we are at the doorstep of our origin going out on a leap. A moment just before descending onto this earth in a seed of creation. I also imagine that with the death of these temporary vessels, we will once again be back at this doorstep turning back inside or outside. I imagine it as a place of homecoming after a cycle of another adventure. But, not before we have truly been swept away by this experience of physicality.

VESSEL II 
She is
The current beneath time
The womb of cosmic awareness
The drops of clarity
The gaze
Presence

The Vulva stands both as a guardian and a protector in this delicate room of space in time, from where we ripen and drop like fruit. We can look at the placenta and see our tree of life mirrored here. I see her serving by creating a bridge like fields in between folds. I cannot speak for all people with a womb. But, to me having one feels like having a chord that was never fully cut. I can mentally and physically feel it through my core and being. I have come aware of the power resting here and activating it, understanding and channel it has become part of my expression, my work and my artistic language.

I see this place to be the soil of our spiritual grounds. This amazingly fertile blackness that we carry around with us. I sometimes envision it as a deep and swirling pool mixing the ingredients that will someday both unite and again divide us.

I believe I have given procreation some thought and we might be able to deliver a baby into this world. But, that's not the only thing we are capable of creating. I personally have a feeling that what I'm birthing in this lifetime will demand more of my attention than I can handle, if I were to also divide myself physically at this place in time.

VESSEL III
She is
The static holding us together
The womb of fiery seed
The spark of passion
The rumble
Power

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